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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

The Break-Up

Released: 06/06/06

Viewed: 2:35am 06/06/06

Starring: Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, Joey Lauren Adams, Cole Hauser, Jon Favreau, Jason Bateman, Vincent D’Onofrio, Justin Long

Directed by: Peyton Reed

Universal Studios Official Site of the movie

I feel like break-up movies can go either way. If you hate the characters then watching them slowly tear each other apart in progressively more complicated and vindictive schemes can be extremely entertaining. But if you like them, if you’re pulling for them to get back together, then it can be a difficult experience to sit through. It’s like watching your friends break-up. Why would I pay $10.25 to see that?

The Break-Up walks that tightrope almost the entire time. You like them right off the bat, which is more bad than good, but even as their attempts to take down the other get more and more malicious, it’s always plainly clear that these two people, Gary and Brooke, still care for each other. The film never gets away from that so it becomes safe to care about the characters and laugh at their misfortunes. Because everyone wants them to get back together. Them included, even if they don’t realize it.

What Yeo says in the comic about people fighting is true, and I can completely understand why. During the initial argument that leads to the big split there are a lot of things said that are very relatable. There was a fair share of elbow poking and nodding with mock didain going on between Yeo and I during that scene, but it was all in good fun. I think a lot of people will have a similar reaction and be able to sympathie with their arguments. Some of that stuff is just universal.

The Break-Up’s simultaneous saving grace and downfall rest not in its stars and their on screen/off screen coupling. Not on Vaughn’s lightning fast improv or Aniston‘s stunning features. Not even in the strip poker/naked dance party scene. In my opinion, this movie lives and dies in its secondary characters.

I found them immensely more interesting than the primary plot and looked forward to when the next one would cycle through. There were a lot of them too! Probably as many friends and family members you’d expect to pop up semi-regularly in a non-scripted life, but each brought their own niche and charm that made them memorably special.

There were so many secondary players in fact that I would actually forget they were in the movie at all. I swear, every time Justin Long as Aniston’s offbeat, long-locked, coworker would reappear on screen I would laugh just at the sight of him. Then Vaughn’s younger brother (Cole Hauser) would be dragging us into a nightclub and offering to do disgustingly hysterical things to the closest piece of jailbait.

Characters like that would show up every now and then to inject a different perspective (and usually a few laughs) into the movie, and I wish there was more of it. On Aniston’s end I felt like there was enough. There are plenty of scenes with her at work or with her confiding in her friends, but I feel like we only got a taste of Gary’s life outside the relationship. There are a few scenes with Jon Favreau which were a lot of fun. Half because the two are naturally funny and half because it’s always great to see the original Swingers riffing off of each other. There’s a lot of good chemistry still there.

Where it could have gone deeper was with Gary’s job as a Chicago tour guide with his brothers. I felt like there was a lot of opportunity there for unique characters, for Vaughn to talk fast, and for the film to really use the city of Chicago effectively. I wanted more of that. But the story is complicated and needed to be told in an efficient way, so I’ll forgive them for this casualty of pacing.

The movie is funny. Not too many huge laughs but enough, and it never gets so serious that you can’t appreciate the humor when it rolls back around. But I wonder what it would have been like if they had gone bigger. I guessed the much-publicized bare ass shot of Jennifer Aniston is pretty big… not the ass, the situation… but I’m not sure it was funny. It was like “old lady funny” because it’s so “scandalous”. I guess… I could see an ass RIGHT NOW and you know what? It’s not that funny. But I understand that it’s more that the situation was big. Situational humor is important to the film but it’s not necessarily funny. Vaughn getting his ass handed to him by the lead singer of an a cappella singing group. THAT was funny.

Not much more to say, it wasn’t a huge achievement but it was a nice night out, and considering how frustrating situations like this are in real life, it went remarkably smooth. It was sweet and light and I had a good time. The ending was a brave direction to take things, and Yeo seemed un-phased by it saying that she “liked it” with little emphasis. But it bothered me a little. Don’t try and figure out if I’m a cynic or a romantic. Just go see the movie.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

There’s some good stuff going on but I could have used more. Honestly, I’m just glad it wasn’t constant arguing between people that loathe each other. The last thing I need is to be reminded of high school. AMIRITE!?

DVD Worthy?:

Possibly, but it would depend on the price and the extras. I feel like there was a lot of movie cut out and I’d be interested in seeing some of that.

If you liked this movie check out: War of the Roses

War of the Roses is part of the Michael Douglas/Kathleen Turner trilogy back when he was still “the young Douglas” and before she looked like Ted Kennedy. I was always fond of this one. I liked how much it traveled through time and told the whole story of their lives together, before showing the disastrous end of it.

It’s more intense then The Break-Up. If Gary and Brooke had continued a relationship for another 15 years without confronting any of the problems they would have become the Roses. The hatred and contempt these two have for each other plays like extreme early 80s, Tom and Jerry-styled cartoon violence in comparison with The Break-Up

The result is that it plays less seriously. You’re able to sit back and laugh because they don’t belong together. There’s no way they’ll get back together so have a giggle at their disintegrating relationship. That’s a harder commitment to make with The Break-Up. I felt like I was constantly pulling for them.

Trailer Hitch: Clerks II

I’m doing my best not to get too excited about the new Kevin Smith film. This sequel to the wildly entertaining Clerks has a much better chance to disappoint then to thrill. It’s all about the expectations. The Star Wars prequels would never live up to the originals, because even casual fans speculated or even down right decided in their own minds where things should have gone. You’re going to have the exact same results with Clerks 2. I will say that the trailer looks ok. There are a couple of funny lines and I’m sure the best are way too raunchy to be cleared for the trailer, so there’s a lot of potential.

Vote incentive:

Today I start the new incentive event: The many faces of Jesus which was inspired by the comic for The Da Vinci Code. This is borderline blasphemous but I’m going to do my best to not have Jesus doing anything too graphic. We’ll see. God forgive me.

Anyway, don’t forget to vote every day, and if you could throw a bone to Top Web I’ll love you forever.

Non Movie Related Stuff.

At [url=http://clickwheel.net/features/show/18]Clickwheel[/url] I’ve got a sneak preview of the comic for Nacho Libre. I had planned to see it tonight at the midnight screening, but Irv got some free tickets to see Tokyo Drift so I’m going to check that out instead.

I’m stuck at home until mid afternoon waiting for a piece of furniture to arrive. Hopefully I’ll be able to come up with an idea for the comic. I hate drawing cars though which naturally explains the delay in the comic for Cars as well. Well, tomorrow will be my day. I’m sure of it! Maybe.

Speaking of Cars – in my Live Journal a little mini discussion started about Cars with Tom from Theater Hopper being pro-Cars, and me being anti-Cars. I’m all about the mass transit, baby. Didn’t anyone see An Inconvenient Truth!?

Where was I? Ah yes, Tom actually put Yeo and I into yesterday’s Theater Hopper strip directly quoting me from the Live Journal posts. Spelling errors and all. Thanks for the shout out Tom. It’s always a pleasure to debate movies, even more so with someone whose opinion I respect.

That’s all, folks. I might have Tokyo Drift up tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed.

Live Journal/Myspace/Rotten Tomatoes/Buzz Comix/Top Web Comics/Comics on the Ipod/The Webcomics List/Online Comics/Wikipedia/Comixpedia/JLCM Map!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V

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