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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

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Dreamgirls

Starring: Jamie Foxx, Beyoncé Knowles, Eddie Murphy , Jennifer Hudson, Danny Glover, Anika Noni Rose, Keith Robinson

Directed by: Bill Conden

Dreamworks - Official Site of the Movie

My favorite part about this comic is that Yeo is too busy to argue with me, so she responds to me like a bored 3rd grader. Honestly, who says “My bad.” anymore?

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out which TV theme song to focus on and finally settled on Perfect Strangers for nostalgic reasons. Also I just really dig the tune. After researching the lyrics I realized how inappropriate it is for a Newlywed to be singing a song about starting fresh, new possibilities, and leaving a bad situation behind, but it was too late. I couldn’t get the damn song out of my head.

Weird fun fact: Yeo was in L.A. this past week for work and she swore she saw Cousin Larry himself, Mark Linn-Baker. Small world.

It’s been a few months since Dreamgirls, the 25-year-old Broadway play loosely based on the troublesome beginnings of Diana Ross and the Supremes, made its way to the big screen. But after a couple snubs at the Oscars including two sure bets walking out with other artists, now’s as good a time as any to talk about a great film that people got tired of awarding 2 months into the year.

This underdog story follows the lives of three friends (Beyoncé Knowles, Jennifer Hudson and Anika Noni Rose) that join forces to make it big in the music industry. They’re young and eager and puddy in the hands of good intentioned but ruthless-when-he-wants-to-be Curtis Taylor played by Jamie Foxx. Foxx ably plays the part with charm and menace as he seduces the three girls into a contract and eventually two of them into his bed. (2 out of 3… that’s still very good.) When it comes time to be evil Foxx goes a little big. How big? If he had a cigar and a monocle I would fully expect him to request Batman’s head on a silver platter. SQWAAK!

Other than Foxx’s tryst into costumed villainy the acting is universally top notch. It’s a little clichéd to talk about it at this point, but Eddie Murphy as James “Thunder” Early truly does an amazing job teetering between self-obsessed showman and washed up nobody. It’s not an easy back seat to take for a guy that’s so used to being in the spotlight but he pulls off a performance with a lot of dignity that’s a lot of fun to watch. The other standout, Hudson, shows that she’s not just another reality show reject with a big voice and the boobs to match. She’s the most impressive newcomer to acting in a while and had she actually won American Idol an opportunity like this would have never come along. She’s giving hope to rejects everywhere.

Great acting is always a plus but with Dreamgirls it’s all about the music. Every song is well produced and well performed but I can’t say that I was particularly taken with it. I guess, even though I saw Dreamgirls relatively close to its release date, there was still a lot of buzz about Hudson’s performance of “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” (the “You, and you, and you, you’re gonna love me!” song) When it finally shows up halfway through the film… I was just a little underwhelmed. I expected chills and instead I found myself confused at the lack of chills, rolling up my sleeves and marvelling at arm hairs lying completely flat.

It’s not that the music is bad. Far from it. It’s catchy and fun with a charismatic cast really bringing it to life. But I was never really blown away. Still, for days after I would find myself humming the tunes at work or in the shower, but never to the point where I was itching to legally or illegally download anything to my iPod.

There’s one song I still sing even after all this time. It’s called “Family and it’s a full cast song that sings about togetherness and the great things we can accomplish if we stick together. Like a family. It’s a little sappy but sweet and very catchy. Sometimes when Yeo is on the computer working on something I’ll grab our cat, pull up a chair next to her and start belting out this song. She finds this endlessly annoying and I find that hysterical. Normally I get through about 3 lines before she starts hitting me, I burst into laughter or the cat has a good freak out. Or all three. Good song though.

While the music wasn’t exactly my cup of tea I still can’t believe that none of the three nominated songs from the film were able to walk away with the Oscar. The song that did win “I Need To Wake Up”, written and performed by Melissa Etheridge for the film An Inconvenient Truth is a powerful anthem that’s perfectly used in the films closing credits. But I honestly can’t say if that raw emotion rivals some of the universal themes and flat out great musical craftsmanship in Dreamgrils’ offerings. Broadway went to bed angry last Sunday.

But at least they had something to celebrate in the morning. Jennifer Hudson’s win was the story of the night. From TV news coverage to morning papers, her fairy-tale was the one everyone wanted to hear. “Rejected reality show contestant proves the critics wrong and wins our hearts in the process!” But she got too big too fast and there’s only one way to go now. I wish her the best at beating the “supporting actress” curse that has left some very talented people doing some very direct to Lifetime TV movies. Dreamgirls showed that she’s got the acting skills to back up that classic show stopping voice, but will she make it?

She’s got the whole world rooting for her so if she ever going to have a chance – it’s right now. Just look at the cover of this weeks Entertainment Weekly and you’ll get an indication of just how powerful she is. I’m happy for her but she’s totally stolen the spotlight from Scorsese who after 8 nominations, finally walks away with a statue for directing The Departed. Hudson may be Oscar royalty right now but long after her career has fizzled away, we’ll still be quoting Wahlberg’s lines from Scorsese’s newest crime classic.

But Scorsese was a sure thing. So was Hudson. And so was… Murphy? I was completely floored when Eddie didn’t take away Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his role as James “Thunder” Early. Internet speculators will tell you that his performance is nothing more than a warmed over retread of the James Brown impersonation he did on Saturday Night Live, but there’s so much more going on to his character then pomp and circumstance. Stage presence, charisma and working the crowd in a very “James Brown” kind of way were definitely part of the role, but there are a couple of darker tragic moments that are getting overshadowed by a little showmanship. Murphy put the work in and deserved the nomination he got.

After Golden Globe and SAG wins Murphy seemed like another sure bet, but as the equally deserving but clear underdog Alan Arkin makes a little room on his mantle, the world tries to figure out what went wrong. Did the ridiculously awful Norbit released last month hurt Eddie’s image with the voters? Anything’s possible I suppose but I’d still like to think people could be objective in the face of crap.

The morning after the Oscars it was reported that Murphy left the show immediately after loosing to Arkin, not even sticking around to see the Dreamgirls medley or Hudson’s big win. I immediately assumed it was sour grapes and that Murphy was just being a poor loser. After doing a little research I found out that he also left early at the Golden Globes as well as the SAG awards except those nights he had some heavy statues with him. It turns out that he just doesn’t like the crowds and would prefer to be home with his family. You have to appreciate that in some respect.

And I wouldn’t blame him for being upset. It’s a big deal. Winning an Oscar not only validates hard work or good work, but it makes and breaks the careers of those nominated. A win can have long term affects not just for the nominees but for their competition as well. You know Dakota Fanning straight up did a back flip when Abigail Breslin lost out to Hudson. You can’t compete to be the “it” little girl in Hollywood when your competition brings an Oscar to the audition.

Dreamgirls had a tough night at the Oscars but it was widely embraced by moviegoers who kept it hanging in there with holiday juggernauts like Night at the Museum and The Pursuit of Happyness. More importantly it was able to bring back some much-needed credibility to musicals in general. Last years we were given two entertaining but forced attempts at cashing in on the musical craze that Chicago brought back a few years ago. Rent and The Producers were great shows that failed in their transition to screen. Dreamgirls keeps the hope alive that we can still see a great Broadway musical while eating obscene amounts of popcorn.

Those films were quickly forgotten but high production quality will keep musical fans talking about Dreamgirls for years. To everyone else it’ll be the movie where a reality show contestant walked away with a gold statue, and the industry finally decided to take Eddie Murphy seriously as an actor. Either way Dreamgirls is not easily forgotten.

Rating: 7 out of 10 - Good luck finding Dreamgirls in theatres now, but if you like movies where people sing what they’re doing then prepare yourself a trip to Blockbuster. Seriously, it’s the most complete and entertaining musical since Chicago, and with nearly half the amount of jazz hands.

I’m not exactly a freak over musicals or Broadway show adaptations, I’m down right terrified of next years John Waters remake of Hairspray, but there’s a genuine entertainment value with this type of film, and a genuine audience willing to keep it alive. I doubt though that Travolta dressing in drag will be his big comeback. Dude… call Tarantino. Stop talking about Oprah all the time.

Not for me, but for those of you that go crazy for a well made musical with great songs and quality performances, you should be happy shelling out the bucks for this disk. My dream extra feature would be a documentary on the casting of the film, specifically on the two roles that went to an unknown and a ledged of another genre. I want to see who else was considered and how each actor landed the roles that will be attached to their careers forever. That in my mind is worth at least a rental

Spawn - I recommended Spawn in yesterday’s Ghost Rider review and it sounded like so much campy fun that I thought I’d recommend it again. Why not right? As good as it is it’s not like you’re going to run out and rent The Sound of Music.

Ok, no time for fun and games. I’m off to catch a late show of Wild Hogs. I would prefer to see Zodiac but Yeo is making me wait. Though with the movie being 2 hours and 40 minutes long it sounds like a lot of moviegoers will be doing some waiting for it to end. We’ll see. Stay positive!

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V