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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.


Starring: George Clooney, Renée Zellweger, John Krasinski, Jonathan Pryce, Stephen Root,

Directed by: George Clooney

Universal Pictures

The Official Site of Leatherheads

Discuss Leatherheads on the boards!

My wife is convinced that the only reason I’m fond of the new George Clooney film Leatherheads is because I wanted it to be good and not that it’s actually good. Normally she doesn’t think so little of my opinion but about a week before the release of Leatherheads we had an intense conversation about how terrible it looks. Throughout I agreed, but remained optimistically defensive.

The trailer was giving me little to defend. Snappy banter and enough swing music to make the Germans surrender set a terrible tone for what looked to be a well cast screwball sports movie geared at a target audience too deaf and blind to realize how well. Clooney as an aging football player trying to legitimize the sport pre-commission and pre-rules and a wrinkle-faced Renée Zellweger snapping at each other with enough predictable sexual tension to make the Germans declare war again.

It wasn’t a great preview… I just couldn’t escape the thought that - Clooney has proven himself to me. I trust him. At least as far as the cost of a ticket price. As an actor his movies aren’t always a home run but as a director (Leatherheads is his third effort after the near perfect Confessions of a Dangerous Mind and the remarkably well done Good Night and Good Luck) I find no reason to trust his instincts. After seeing the film I say with all confidence that your 11 bucks are in safe hands.

Leatherheads takes place in 1925 where Professional football had not quite reached its zenith as a sport. In fact, as a job, it was somewhere between coal mining and the draft. Clooney plays Dodge Connelly, a man too old for the sport but stuck in the profession because playing dirty and partying hard are the only skills he has.

When his team, the Duluth Bulldogs, become the latest casualties of a crumbling league Dodge looks to collegiate football star/war hero Carter Rutherford (The Office’s John Krasinski) in hopes that the fresh blood will bring his following and some publicity to the dying sport. He's just what football needs, but Lexie Littleton (Zellweger), a spitfire newswoman along for the ride, plans to prove otherwise by uncovering the truth behind this supposed war hero's brave exploits.

So Yes… this is a goofball sports comedy from another era but here’s what it comes down to: Clooney is the closet thing we have to a classic movie star and he uses that to his advantage here. He’s the best parts of Paul Newman, Frank Sinatra and Carry Grant back when your grandmother used to daydream about them. In his real life Clooney is classy and cool, and even though he spends most of Leatherheads hamming it up, he forces you to come along for the ride.

Clooney will drag your MTV ass back to the 1920’s cinema where rattled off sentences, big schemes and madcap police chases (easily the weirdest part of the movie that will leave you either on board for the trip or stuck in a bitter perpetual eye roll) were the norm. There was never a period in time where behavior like this was common except on screen in the 1920s, and Clooney and crew capture spirit that effortlessly.

Leatherheads is well shot, well acted and remarkably entertaining, despite what my wife thinks. Though the story dips in places and seems to solve most of its pacing problems by introducing impromptu brawls, the film is well worth the trip. More than once I actually found myself taking a deep breath and saying, "This is great!" Sure, it's a movie made of another generation, but the first step to enjoying it is realizing what it is. Let those expectations of why it's supposed to suck go and you might actually have a good time.

Rating: 7 out of 10 - This is a departure from Clooney's past two films, but can you blame him for wanting to loosen things up a little. Confessions and Good Night are fantastic movies but far from lighthearted. They're dense and complex pieces that I'm sure were overwhelming undertakings. Sure he lightens it up every now and then by taking more cheerful roles in movies like O Brother Where art Thou and the Ocean's trilogy, but it's got to be different when you're the man in charge. It's not 50 days in France with drinking brandy with Matt and Brad, it's 2 years in conference calls, producer's offices and casting sessions. "Hey George, what all-consuming emotional rollercoaster are you going to dedicate the next 2 years of your life to?" Let the guy have his fun.

Of all the films Clooney has directed I would say that this is the most DVD friendly. I happily own Confessions but rarely take the trip into dementia with Chuck and his crazy Gong Show (Go watch it, it's fantastic). Leatherheads seems like the kind of movie you could put on casually, not get too invested in, and just laugh with. That's a precious quality in any DVD collection.

Bangkok Dangerous - My first impression of the trailer to Bangkok Dangerous was that the title was terrible. "Midnight Meat Train", "make your audience laugh out loud" terrible. Also (as much as I hate that this keeps becoming worth mentioning) Cage's hair has never looked more ridiculous, but more importantly... the movie looks pretty sweet.

It looks loud and fast, as any good action movie should, and it looks original compared to Cage's other stuff. And that's saying a lot. The guy does like 4 movies a year in every genre from "shitty sci-fi" to not scary horror. He's covering a lot of ground and for one to stand out over the rest is nice place to start.

This is based on a film from Thailand of the same name, (both versions directed by the Pang Brothers) and I'm curious if that version is worth checking out before this one is released at the end of the summer. To anyone that's seen it, is it worth sitting through? Will I be spoiling myself to any big twists? Let me know.

A League of Their Own - A League of Their Own, starring Geena Davis and Tom Hanks (Post Big but pre Oscar), tells the story of the American women that saved baseball during the war. When all of our men were sent over seas to fight in World War II, their wives, sisters, nieces and so on helped fill the void by starting the AAPGL. (All American Pro Girls League)

The only real connection between League and Leatherheads is that both are sports comedies that take place in another era. League carries more heart in its story about two sisters fighting within the system, and better action (even though, I've always felt, baseball as a whole is a lot less engaging than football) and because of this I feel as though League has a much better chance of standing the test of time. Even 16 years after its release it's still one of the best sports movies I've seen.

There's a lot of good news going on out there these days, but I think I'll resign myself to just mentioning the saddest of this past weekend, the passing of Charlton Heston at the age of 84.

While I may have disagreed personally with some of his political stances, there's no denying the impact he had on cinema. A true legend for what seems like 10 lifetimes he conquered conventional movie stardom and helped bring Science-Fiction to the mainstream shaping the lives of many nerds across the world.

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that my first real exposure to Heston came with Wayne's World 2 where he played the "good actor" brought in to play the gas station attendant giving directions. That was a classic scene to me so many years before I even knew who he was.

I of course would eventually fall in love with movies like Ben Hur, The Ten Commandments, Planet of the Apes and one of my top ten of all time, Touch of Evil, but that's really just a taste of what this man accomplished in his 84 years in which he found success and helped set the mold for the classic American movie star.

Rest in peace, sir.

Joe Dunn's Facebook profile

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V