Released: 7/29/05

Viewed: 9:20 pm 7/29/05

Starring: Josh Lucas, Jamie Foxx, Jessica Biel, Jessica Beil's ass

Directed by: Rob Cohen

I love big budget action summer movies. I like them even more when they're brought to me by people who bring me stuff like XXX and the Fast and the Furious. So I approached Stealth with glee even though the trailer made it look like garbage.

It's not that it's awful. Stealth delivers in a few areas. The action is fast and inventive and for the most part, very interesting to watch. When the effects are good, they're phenomenally good. And the story revolving around the characters is pretty well developed. You get to know them all well enough, and the love story between Lucas and Biel plays out great on screen. Of course how much chemistry can you witness between two people sitting in planes talking to digital screens. It would be interesting to see more scenes of them interacting on land.

The story wavers at its core though, when an artificially intelligent stealth plane goes haywire after getting struck by lighting. At least that's sort of what triggers it. Who knows? It was very much "Plot point annnnnd moving on." But how can you do that with the biggest plot point of the movie?

It's forgivable. I was waiting for the action to kick into gear anyway. And thankfully it does. Planes crashing, buildings crumbling, an OUSTANDING parachute sequence that was both the tensest moment, and the best visual moment of the film. Even though the whole time, the jumper is reporting what's going on down to every last detail. I'm sure it's standard procedure since home base was listening or she knew she was being recorded. The same way a pilot will explain things on a plane knowing a black box will pick it up. But it was still a little strange.

"I'm falling, and? the planes above me? and my chute? yep my chute is jammed. Debris is falling. I'm still too high. Falling fast. Getting dizzy. Back hurts a little. I found a weird mark on my shoulder. Maybe I should get it checked out."

Weird.

Even with it's great effects there were some moments where they phoned it in. I saw this movie with Brandon and he exclaimed that it looked like a standard fire clip that they copied and pasted all over the place. Like I said ? when it was good, it was great. When it was bad? oh god.

I can't go on without talking about Jamie Foxx. What is he doing in this movie? I know he's big time now, and part of that is doing the big boy action movies. And I love crazy robots as much as the next guy, but this movie is not at his level now. Can't wait to see Miami Vice. It's funny. His character is not in the last 15 minutes of the movie. Brandon and I joked that he won the Oscar during shooting and made them write his character out at the end. "Make his plane run out of gas, have him captured by Russian spies, I don't care what you do. My little friend here says that Ray? I mean Jamie, is OUT." I'm sure he was more of a sport. And honestly doing an action ensemble where he's not the star is way better then jumping out of the gate as the lead in an action movie. If he had the Lucas role, this movie may have gone differently, but I think people might have lost respect for him.

Beil looked good. A little butch in the bikini scenes. Her shoulders are out of control. I think she hit the bench too hard for Blade Trinity. But she does have a great face, and there are at least 4 shots in this movie where it's all about her ass. I swear. I think her ass got higher billing then the plane in this movie. Few people can make getting shot at while crawling through a Korean jungle look good. Bravo.

The movie is at a point now where if you haven't seen it, you most likely won't see it in the theater. The action bonanzas are falling flat next to chocolate factories and wedding parties. Who knew? Stealth is nothing special but it's not complete garbage. Rent it when it comes out.

5 out of 10 It's ok, but a lot of people are going to be disappointed with Foxx's first big action outing. It has a lot going on. Even after the planes land there's some good stuff. The sharp shooter ? awesome. Tons of locations (these planes go fast.) And, I'll say this: If you're ever need government help ? stay away from Alaska. Nothing but bad news. DVD worthy?: It's been a few weeks since I've seen the movie so I'm able to reflect back on it. And the more I revisit it, the more I'm interested to see it again. I need to recognize that as "viewing it again" and not "paying to own it." I'll rent it in the winter and quench my thirst. I can't in good faith throw another 20 dollars at this movie.

If you liked this movie check out : I, Robot

A look at A.I. that is smarter (which is pretty messed up, because it's not that smart) and packed with action. I loved I, robot even though it raped the source material. It's Will Smith doing what we love to see him doing. Mindless action with doses of comedy. Bring it on!

Trailer Hitch: Walk the Line

How is this movie not called CASH. That would be so cool. But it's ok; the fact that they've even made a movie about Johnny Cash is awesome in itself. But are the die-hard Cash fans not happy? Brandon is a huge Cash fan, and for some reason he hates Joaquin Phoenix. I'm pro Joaquin, but I can understand why people might not approve. But if you're really disappointed by the choice ? why? It's not like the guy can't act. We've seen him prove it before. I think he's the perfect choice. He blends right into the footage on the trailer and becomes Johnny. It's even him singing which is awesome.

The person that really stands out is Reese Witherspoon who plays June Carter Cash. She's good too, but... I don't know. She's too famous. I look at her and all I see is Witherspoon with dark hair. We'll see how much she inhabits the role when the movie comes out.

Good or bad casting, the poster is one of the best pieces of art I've seen hanging in a theater in years. Completely different and original. Makes me hope and pray the movie is good so that I can buy the poster with no shame.

One last note. You guys really came out and voted hard core. JLCM jumped an outstanding 40 spots in the past few days and I can't think of a way to say thank you properly. All of you showed up and gave me faith that you like what I'm doing, and you're willing to take 4 seconds to prove it. Thank you so much guys.

I did two incentive images this week ? go over to my LJ and check those out. I'll be posting some of the old incentives there in the future. But for now I'm going to try and update incentives at least with every strip. To see a joke that may actually be funnier then the comic it's attached to, continue to vote and support Joe Loves Crappy Movies. Thanks!