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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

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Date Movie

Released: 02/17/06

Viewed: 4:25pm 02/27/06

Starring: Alyson Hannigan, Adam Campbell, Jennifer Coolidge, Eddie Griffin, Fred Williard

Directed by: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer

20th Century Fox Official Site of the movie

I know exactly how funny Date Movie is. I know that it is exactly 8 laughs 3 chuckles and 4 smiles funny. And yes, the fact that I know this is a bad sign. It means not only were there few enough laughs to count, but that I was so bored I could take the time to count them. Rookie directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer give it a real shot and hit big with a couple of good gags, but the majority of the film is so offensively unfunny that I sort of felt like I was watching a long episode of Mamma's Family. Not sure why I decided to pick on Mamma's Family right there. Really hated that show.

When I say "offensively unfunny" I in no way mean that the actual subject matter is offensive. If I can deal with Jews in Space and Jive Talking Old Ladies, I can certainly deal with a couple of fat people joke. The jokes are offensive in that they are just trying way too hard to be funny. Too obvious. It reeks of desperation. I felt very uncomfortable sitting in a silenced theater as the dialogue of the movie stops where people are supposed to be laughing. It was like a sitcom without a laugh track and every pause just made you feel sorry for them.

But those 8 laughs are pretty strong. A couple I would even dare to say are quite clever, but most of them are from me just being a huge Eddie Griffin fan. I sware, he can stand there and just look at some white dude and I'll start laughing.

Date Movie is about Julia Jones (Alyson Hannigan) who longs for love and sets out to meet Mr. Perfect. Through the process of meeting him and introducing him to her parents we're taken on journey through about 87 different movie parodies. All of them are obvious to the point where some dialogue was lifted verbatim and just put into a slightly different setting. I'm ok with that, because you want to make what you're parodying clear to the audience. That connection, in theory, will make the joke funnier. It doesn't in Date Movie. Mostly because they're biting off romantic comedies for a movie that is a comedy romance. It's the same scenes with a little more comedy added in. Just for the record, adding Michael Jackson into the background of a scene does not make it funnier. Although a tall glass of Jesus Juice might help this movie go down a little smoother.

I like Alyson Hannigan. Love her new show How I met Your Mother and over the past couple of years she's really turned into a cutie. Never thought much of her on Buffy, but she really is a stunning woman with a lot of good comic sensibilities. She has a lot of natural skills with timing and what's actually funny. Watching her tread through this swamp of would be jokes and under done gags is a truly miserable experience.

The movie also features Fred "collecting a paycheck" Willard who is funny but? he's always funny. He can add a lot to a role, but the fact that he'll do pretty much anything that falls in his lap is a complete turn off.

While watching I couldn't have been less interested in Date Movie. Every joke was a stretch. The down time and set up were lulling me to sleep. And it's not like I wasn't properly warned. More than a dozen people told me to avoid it. To be honest though that just made me want to see it more. I think I have a serious problem. Is there a crappy movie group therapy class in New York City?

1.5 out of 10

A couple of solid laughs but not nearly enough to make this monstrosity worth sitting through. It's an empty vessel of misguided jokes with no direction, no purpose, and no value. I dare you to go to this movie on a first date. I give the relationship 20 minutes.

DVD worthy?: I think I would buy multiple copies of all 3 Scary Movies before buying this. I might rent it if I ever have to torture someone or as a sleep aid.

If you liked this movie check out: Loaded Weapon 1

If you liked this movie then you like parody humor and my least favorite crappy parody (until this movie popped up) was Loaded Weapon 1. It was somehow crappier because Samuel L. Jackson is in it. He's way too cool to be slumming it. Anyway ig you like this movie you like parody, more specifically you like bad parody, so this is the way to go. If you'd like to see it done right, watch Spaceballs Young Frankenstein and Airplane! .

Trailer Hitch: Just My Luck

Lindsay Lohan officially throws herself into the grown up romantic comedy. No more high school drama, no more crushing in math class. Lohan now plays a young professional that goes clubbing and makes out with strangers and for some reason goes to visit a psychic of some kind.

I buy it, but the movie looks horrible. The trailer is so detailed and so through in it's spoiling of the plot that I feel comfortable saying the movie sucks even without seeing it. Well, maybe that's a little harsh but slap stick situational humor could so easily be played by any old Meg Ryan. If you read my review of Herbie Fully Loaded you know I expect more from Lohan. Plus it has this whole sci-fi romantic comedy angle that didn't sit well with me in last years13 Going on 30 or Just Like Heaven. Hey wait. Why wasn't Ruffalo available for this one?

Vote Bonus:

Vote today and see me work out my troubles in that crappy movie group therapy class I mentioned above. We all have problems. Admitting them is the first step. I wonder what a 12 step program for crappy movie watchers would be like. Throw out all DVD's with David Spade in them? apologies to anyone you made watch a crappy movie? watch nothing but good movies for a month?

Non movie related stuff:

Thanks for reading, guys! No real non-related news today just the same old stuff. I did read through Hate Song today and was really impressed. That strip just joined up with Boxcar and I admit I was only somewhat aware of the strip. Reading through the archives was awesome though. Such great stuff.

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V

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