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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Disturbia

Starring: Shia Labeouf, Sarah Roemer, Carrie-Anne Moss, David Morse, Aaron Yoo

Directed by: D.J. Caruso

Warner Brothers

Dreamworks - Official Site of the Movie

This past spring’s Disturbia, the modern update of the Hitchcock classic Rear Window, was a review I always regretted letting slip through my fingers. Partially because it was a really fantastic modern take on a great story but more so because of the way it was universally embraced by moviegoers. It made such a big Splash in April dethroning 300 and staying in that number one spot for three weeks in a row. Audiences welcomed the smart, slick thriller after a season of dumbed-down comedy and big boy action. Who’d of thought that a modern remake with a title that’s not even an actual word was the great savior to the humdrums of the modern movie landscape?

I think the most welcome surprise of the film for me is how faithful the filmmakers were to the spirit of Rear Window. It would have been so easy to latch on to the horror end of things and create an harsh nail-biter, but if you look at Rear Window again, it’s so much more than one neighbor catching the other with his hand in the cookie jar. Or his wife’s head in the rose garden as it were. And you could tell that the production company and director D.J. Caruso were true fans of Rear window as they spend just as much time developing the love story and the addiction to voyeurism as they do the sinister activities of the mysterious monster next door.

In fact if you didn’t know better you could spend the first 40 minutes of the movie not suspecting any trouble whatsoever. We see a kid (Kale played by Shia Labeouf ) that gets in a little trouble with the law, gets stuck with a summer of house arrest, and ends up spending a little too much time spying on his neighbors. The conflicts with his mother (Carrie-Anne Moss), a budding romance with the new girl next door ( Sarah Roemer who is old enough to look good but too young for any of us to feel ok about her looking good) and all the wacky characters around the block really ring true. It’s not until Kale sees what could be a murder that things start getting a little disturbing.

As a modern take on a classic story it’s very well done. The characters are solid, the scares are genuine, and the story is believable. A tall order considering how perfect the inspiration is.

There are of course some fundamental differences between Rear Window and Disturbia that go far beyond weird titles. Updating the movie for the modern age is a difficult challenge after all. A punishing mom quickly deals with modern distractions like TV, music and video games. Without that it would be hard to set the picture of a boy that becomes obsessed with watching his neighbors. Instead of being bound to a wheel chair like Jimmy Stewarts character, our hero Shia Lebeouf is fully mobile but restricted to his own house by a lo-jack device. The cops know where he is at all times. I think he’s at Pizza Hut right now (bonus points to anyone that gets that reference). The obvious benefit to have a character that can actually move is that there will be confrontation with the big bad man. A confrontation more explosive than a man dangling out a second story window, and a guy too stupid to cover his eyes after getting flash-bulbed twice. As much as I really like the subtlety of Rear Window’s finale I’m not sure today’s youth is willing to let a movie end without a grand showdown. Perhaps I’m speaking out of turn, but admit it, you want to see the good guy hit the bad guy with a baseball bat.

That big baddie is where Disturbia does not live up to its inspiration. David Morse is an incredible actor and an absolute force on screen. I loved reading accounts from Shi about how Morse avoided him so that they wouldn’t form a bond, and that his first words to him were basically, “Get out of the way when I swing this at you.” He’s a monster of a man that can be the nicest guy in the room one second and your worst enemy the next. He’s powerfully menacing in this movie, but he’s very “one note”. There’s hardly a doubt that he is the threat and the more we learn about this character’s past, the more we learn that his motivation is shallow at best.

He’s crazy. He likes to kill women. That’s it. Plenty scary, but superficial compared to Raymond Burr’s character in the original who is a tortured and beaten down individual who has given up on his life and come to an extreme and unfortunate conclusion. He might have been a good man that made the wrong decision. We don’t get the same depth with our villain this time around.

It’s not fair to keep comparing the two films but it’s hard not to. When you remake a classic you draw those comparisons. Remake a crap movie and it’ll be easier to let the good rise to the top. Remake Gigli, then you’ll see how far the comparisons go.

Comparisons aside, Disturbia stands on its own feet just fine. And I think a large part of that is because of Shia. He’s sitting pretty these days. With two major hits this year in Disturbia and Transformers, as well as Indy 4 on the horizon, he’s solidified himself as one of the young actors to watch in Hollywood. I’m personally a big fan. Anyone that can take a Disney Channel debut and still become Spielberg’s wonder boy deserves a round of applause. In Disturbia his soft balance of geeky charm and budding rebel confidence is reminiscent of a young Michael J. Fox, though I don’t think Shia has found his Back to the Future breakthrough movie to last the ages. You could argue that Transformers is that franchise for him, but as much as I really enjoyed that movie, you can’t compare a Saturday morning cartoon adaptation to one of the most original adventures of our lifetime.

I’m eager to see him do something in a role not aimed at 16-year-olds. In last years A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints Shia played a young Queens teenager with a target on his back. It was a darker performance than we’d ever seen from him and I loved every second of it. I have high hopes that in a few years he’ll get another role like that one in a more high profile project. Will he be able to charm Spielberg long enough to cast him in something Oscar worthy? Either way, he’s gotten himself involved in some pretty cool projects, and Disturbia is definitely one of them.

Rating: 7 out of 10 - For those of you with weak stomachs or a hatred for all things horror, don’t count this one out just yet. It’s more than just loud noises and spattered blood. But for those of you that enjoy a good scare you should be celebrating a pretty decent year for horror movies that aren’t so blatantly… horrific, and though it was the most successful commercially, Disturbia isn’t even the best of the bunch. 1408 was a great one-man freak out and Vacancy captured a genuine Hitcockian vibe with a lone couple terrorized in their hotel room. Disturbia differentiates itself with its down time. Half the movie is spent developing the characters without the slightest inkling of danger in the air. I love a movie that hits the ground running, but the slow burn definitely has its place. Either way, thank God for movie like these that show us how scary a night at the movies can be without the cheap tricks and gore.

Even though I currently own worse thrillers than Disturbia on DVD, there was something about this that just said, “Joe. You do not need to buy this.” I loved the story and I loved the characters, in this near perfect balance of tension and reality, but I’m not sure how much I need to return to it. I think I’m going through a phase where I feel like I have too many DVD’s and Disturbia doesn’t scream, “required”. Now as most of you may be aware, with me a packed disk at a nice price can be a pretty persuasion impossible to resist. So… you never know.

Found this great interview at Aint It Cool News with Shia LaBeouf where he talks about Distrubia, Transformers, Project Greenlight and a slew of other things that were interesting enough to keep me scrolling down the page. I felt like it was a great interview to read before seeing Disturbia because it gives a very strong impression of the kind a guy he is, and where his head was at during the making of the film.

For those of you who don’t know, Project Greenlight was a reality show where an aspiring filmmaker was given the opportunity to direct his winning script. I never saw the film LaBeouf worked on, The Battle of Shaker Heights, but I am a big fan of what Affleck and Damon were trying to accomplish with that show, and I got a kick out of the behind the scenes process. Unfortunately, none of the movies created from the show were successful, and the show itself shut down after the string of disappointments. Still a great concept though. I need to bump Feast, the last movie created from the series, up on my Netflix cue…

This comic was started back in April when Disturbia originally came out in theatres, and I have been haunted by it ever since. I like the joke but it just wasn’t coming together as quickly as I would’ve liked. The movie titles combos “Punchjamas” and “Hengage” were ones I had locked in right away, but it wasn’t enough. I needed one more. There were times where I thought about scrapping the combo title idea altogether and heading in a new direction, but it was just such a fun idea, and I kept cracking myself up by saying “PUNCHJAMA!”. Not to mention that Disturbia disappeared upon the release of the big threequels in May and there was less urgency to get a comic about it out.

I carried a half inked version of this Disturbia strip with me everywhere I went always thinking that I would complete it when I had the chance. When the joke came together in its own time. But it never did.

The comic came with me to Pittsburgh Comic Con, to Wizard World Philly, even to my vacation in Mexico. I just couldn’t finish it. To be fair, I wouldn’t say I was labouring over it either. I would take it out, look at it, think about how it’s high time I finished this damn thing, and then I’d tuck it away and work on whatever I was inspired by at that moment. I was trying not to worry about it. It would work itself out.

When the DVD hit stores last week I took it out and decided that it needed to be finished. Good or bad, funny or unfunny, complete or incomplete, this comic would haunt me no longer. And just like that, the final idea came to me! As I was inking the first panel knew that the final movie would either be the long time front-runner “Dramaniac” (a movie about a drama school teacher that butchers his students) or the idea that had just popped into my head when I sat down to draw – Tater-Bots.

It was perfect. A nice contrast to the other two and oh so much fun to draw. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t itching to give these guys their own little web comic miniseries as I was drawing them out. They’re freaking adorable! I’ve even thought up full background on these three characters as well as a fourth. But it wasn’t an ideal time to get distracted by a robotic snack food side project. I had to finish the strip!

To my relief it all worked out great. I was excited about the strip and excited about finishing it up to share it with you guys. It was a good feeling. And it was worth the wait. I hope you guys agree.

I’m on overload after Wizard World Chicago and I have so many stories to tell (some which you can listen to first hand via the Triple Feature on Monday nights, as well as The Pimpcast this coming Thursday) but for now I’m going to leak them out to you slowly.

There was some great news I received over the weekend, which at the time was on the hush hush, but is now free to spread. Corey and Todd are Pregnant! Congrats to the both of you on the awesome news. I can’t wait to get little Parkhill’s first comics 5 or 6 years from now.

For those of you that don’t know Corey and Todd, be sure to follow those links above to find out why I was drawn to them in the first place. I first met Corey about 4 years ago at our very first Wizard World appearance, and even though I was crushing on a girl near her booth, her comic Life’s So Rad really caught my eye. Following the links to her site really showed me how important a community can be to a young budding comic. I was a naïve noob and I cut my teeth on the basics of the web comic world by going to her site. For that I will always be grateful. Of course it doesn’t hurt that she’s as sweet as can be and that her and Todd are kind, generous and adorable. Can you picture them with a baby?

Best wishes to you and the little one on the way!

As for the rest of you… Are you Superbad? See you in a couple of days.

Live Journal/Myspace/Rotten Tomatoes/Buzz Comix/Top Web Comics/Comics on the Ipod/The Webcomics List/Online Comics/Wikipedia/Comixpedia/JLCM Map!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V