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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Doomsday

Starring: Rhona Mitra, Bob Hoskins, David O'Hara, Alexander Siddig, Adrian Lester, Malcolm McDowell, Craig Conway, Lee-Anne Liebenberg, MyAnna Buring

Directed by: Neil Marshall

Lionsgate

The Official Site of Doomsday

Discuss Doomsday on the boards!

There aren't enough movies like Doomsday, not if you think about it really. Sure this futuristic thriller borrows pieces of Escape From New York, with a sprinkle of Road Warrior, a dash of 28 Weeks Later and a half dozen other cult masterpieces, but it's not like we have enough of those movies either. This is part of the reason I was so happy last year when their were rumors swirling of an Escape remake starring Gerard Butler and directed by Len Wiseman after their big success with 300 and Live Free or Die Hard respectively. That's not happening though.

Thankfully Doomsday more than fills the gaping hole in our lives with its wonderful touches of a twisted humor, unapologetic violence, a dilapidated future, and instantly iconic heroine that should easily go down in history with the best post-apocalyptic badasses of all time.

One could argue that the pieces of the whole are just ripped-off from better movies, but I prefer to look at this as an homage. It's clear that writer/director Neil Marshall, best know for his girl power cave thriller The Descent, is a fan of this genre and has lovingly carved out his own niche in the cinematic history of the "not so distant future".

In 2008 a virus develops in Glasgow Scotland. Within three years the virus, which leaves its victims disfigured and angry, has grown to the point where the powers that be decide that the best thing to do is just wall off all off the entire country. Flash forward to 2035 where, outside the dead zone in the streets of London, the "Reaper Virus" has resurfaced. This is where we meet our leading lady, Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra), the one-eyed top cop of London personally chosen to head into the dead zone and find a cure.

She's a delightful combination of one-liners and grit, just like all your favorite action heroes except she has a robot eye, a smooth British accent, and an ass that wont quit. As iconic heroes go she's been created specifically to join their ranks. And she'll look good doing it too.

Once Sinclair and her team hit the dead zone, it gets crazy fast. Don't get too connect to anyone you're introduced to because honestly - no one is safe. People get dead quickly and horrifically. Marshall definitely isn't shy about getting a little bloody, but it lends well towards the reality of the situation, and nothing will shake you out of your Sunday afternoon fog like seeing someone blink after they've had their head chopped off.

As serious as Doomsday can be at times, it never takes itself too seriously and is careful to remind you ever so often that even though some horrible stuff is going on this isn't a world too proud to laugh at itself. I was particularly taken by the group of cannibals that celebrate their BBQ by blasting “Good Thing” by the Fine Young CANNIBALS. Just like the brief touches of excessive violence, finding the balance between one extreme and the next is crucial for this kind of movie to work. A stand out performance from Craig Conway, who plays the Mohawk-ed, Iggy Pop look-a -like contest winning leader of the new society finds that perfect balance, and steals the show. It's a shame there's not more of him.

The movies only major misstep is this: (This is a mild spoiler that was told to me just before seeing the movie. Ultimately I think knowing this helped me get passed how weird it was.) There’s a point where Doomsday goes Medieval. When I was told this, my response was, “Marsellus Wallace Medieval or suits of armor medieval?” Regrettably, my friend was being literal.

Within the wastelands of Scotland there is a portion of the survivors that have adopted a Medieval lifestyle. Logically it makes sense. There’s always going to be a part of society, even in a shattered culture, that will hold onto the past as a point of pride or a point of respect, or even as a point of sanity. Sometimes people are just looking for rules to follow. Besides, it was all there. Doomsday is quick to remind us that Scotland is a beautiful country with intact castles and strongholds that are built to last. It makes perfect sense to wait out their days in hell within a structure made to withstand the ravages of war and time.

Still it’s a jolt. No one was expecting to see knights on horseback in a post-apocalyptic action movie, even if there is a pretty badass duel between Sinclair and a fully armored warrior. Being warned of this part of the film definitely softened the blow for me. I hope this warning will do the same for you.

The only other warning I can give you is to prepare yourself for awesome! Prepare yourself to want to dig out all those old movies of a distant future where the primal instincts of man took over and one soul stood against the warring savages and the imperial society that both tried to take him down. Him or her.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10 - After a couple of weeks filled with movies that tried too hard or not at all, Doomsday was a great change of pace. It's a low maintenance, highly enjoyable, completely awesome adventure well worth your time.

I’d say the chances are strong. Though the movie wasn’t able to really cash in on its soft opening in America, I think the potential for Doomsday to become a cult classic on home video is beyond strong. Its futuristic setting, memorable rogues gallery and ruthless violence are practically made for people that buy DVDs and devour them over and over again.

If they can follow up the solid movie by delivering a DVD with some worthy extras (a nice commentary, the process of creating an iconic heroine, turning Glasgow Scotland into a wasteland), then Doomsday on DVD will be impossible for me to ignore.

The Strangers - The big trailer news around Doomsday was that it was the first movie to show the teaser trailer for The Incredible Hulk, due out in June. I spent ample time covering that in every comic I did last week so I'd like to focus instead on another debut for the home invasion thriller staring Scott Speedman and Liv Tyler called The Strangers There are several things about the trailer for The Strangers that makes my skin crawl, but this picture here to the right should be a good indicator of the creepiest of them all. These intruders appear completely unbeknownst to the owners of the house. Silently, they show up behind them like ninjas with bad taste in masks. The trailer, and presumably the movie builds its biggest scares around the fact that the audience can see danger coming but the victims can't. It's one of those "Don't open the door you crazy BITCH" kind of movies which can often be more fun and more frightening than a movie that keeps you out of the loop.

With a great cast and a relatable fear (I'm so OCD about checking to make sure the door is locked) I've got high hopes for The Strangers.

I Am Legend - Something I didn't mention much in the review of Doomsday was the great visuals used in making Glasgow look war torn and decrepit. I've never been to Scotland and wouldn't recognize its landmarks but I would imagine that for those that have, watching Doomsday evoked a similar reaction as watching last years Will Smith, last man on Earth adventure I Am Legend did for me.

Legend took over New York City like no other movie has done before, turning the biggest city in the world into a vacant tomb. Similarly to Doomsday, Legend features a lone soldier fighting mob mentality and looking for a cure. At the same time it is a sci-fi adventure like no other mixing in monsters and explosions with an absolutely incredible performance from Smith and emotional core that we don't normally get from a movie in this genre. Legend takes itself WAY more seriously than Doomsday and succeeds on a completely different level.

I Am Legend hits DVD tomorrow and includes an alternate ending that should please fans of the novel. When we discussed the book last winter in the JLCM Book Club I admitted to being a little disappointed with how things had resolved. This alternate version is truer to the source and should leave most fans satisfied. Or at least more satisfied that the talent behind the film were smart enough to consider this direction at one point.

Today I've got a guest strip up over at The Outer Circle, and it's one that anyone who is ever asked to do a guest strip should read. Beware the penalties of a late comics!

I also did a guest strip last week for a friend of mine Pogues who has recently relaunched his comic Hanger Rats. The strip I did is sort of one of those comics where you have to be familiar with the series to understand it. Normally that's something I try to avoid. Complete stand alones that require familiarity are no good because you never want the first thing someone sees to be something they can't understand. I figured though that the Hanger Rats audience would appreciate the inside joke and I would encourage the new readers to check out the archives. Admit it; You're a little curious about where "Emo Whore and Stalin-Bot come from.

Fellow Digital Pimp Kevin, who also did a guest strip for Hanger Rats got it right in his comic. Funny with a personal touch and no required extra reading. That's the perfect guest strip.

That's all for now, but be sure to tune into tonight on the Triple Feature where Gordon and I will be talking about the weekends major releases including Doomsday, Never Back Down and Horton Hears a Who. Thanks for reading!

Joe Dunn's Facebook profile

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V