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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Iron Man

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Terrence Howard, Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow, Leslie Bibb

Directed by: Jon Favreau

New Line Cinema

The Official Site of Iron Man

Discuss Iron Man on the boards!

In the many months since the release of Iron Man you’ve no doubt discussed or witnessed a discussion somewhere online that has covered nearly every aspect of this film. How awesome the test flight scene was, how perfect and unexpected a choice Robert Downey Jr. was to play billionaire industrialist Tony Stark, how Jon Favreau is going to save the Marvel Universe on the big screen. Basically how Iron Man is the most complete and satisfying effort from Marvel’s movie house since Spider-man 2 and that it’s maybe the most fun comic book film of all time.

Since you’ve already been around that ride a couple dozen times what point is there in me repeating it other than to say, “I agree”? To an extent of course. Favreau did a great job but can you really save a company that’s actually movie forward with a sequel to Ghost Rider? The savior position will be up for grabs every 5 years or so in a company that chooses to revisit anything with Nic Cage in it.

You see what I’m saying though. A proper review of the adventures of Tony Stark, the successful scientist that built a new life for himself in a cave with nothing but a box of scraps, would be nothing but redundant. Unless of course I talked about why it sucked.

“Sucked” is the wrong word but as good as Downey Jr. is and as many times as I could watch that test flight sequence without losing a laugh or a gasp, the movie is not without its flaws. My biggest complaint though is a subjective one because, as fun as Iron Man is, it plays things a little safe.

Iron Man showed up right on the heels of Speed Racer, all but burying the candy-colored, cartoon-come-to-life with its easily accessible big explosions and good-natured fun. At the time I made a direct comparison between the two films saying that in my mind Speed was a larger success only in that it took chances Iron Man was unwilling to. Perhaps foolishly so since the film was largely panned for its experimentation and the bloated budget that came along with it.

In choosing to play it safe Iron Man was able to capitalize on what works. Looking back you’ll find a formulaic story with an unobtrusive message and paint-by-number characters that pretty much go through the motions of a movie we’ve seen and loved a dozen times before. It doesn’t make it bad but it keeps the movie from being great. It holds Iron Man back from being something exceptional.

For better or worse that’s how I see the movie. And it’s not to say that the filmmakers even made the wrong decision. There’s something really wonderful about how light and open Iron Man is. How it avoids the melodrama that made Spider-man feel like a swollen teen soap opera and is able to tell a simple but exciting origin story without getting all wrapped up in itself. In that respect it’s a fantastic beginning that leaves the door open to complicate things in the upcoming sequels.

That of course is the biggest testament of Iron Man’s success - It already has us excited about the future and looking forward to something that hasn’t even started filming yet. We’ll spend the next year searching the Internet for pictures of the new costume or the new bad guy or whoever they got to replace the guy from the first movie that wanted too much money to return for round two. (First Terrence Howard and now Sam Jackson!? Come on!) And we’ll love every second of it.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10 - In the review I call the characters paint-by-numbers which is both true and untrue but never negative. Jeff Bridges as Obadiah Stane is the definition of “evil bad guy” and is basically Lex Luthor trying out a beard. That’s okay though because… he’s good. He wonderfully plays the “Could I be good? Psyche! I’m totally bad” part with a fierce efficiency and manages to make paint-by-numbers a work of art.

Also, Stark is anything but a superhero. He’s a warmonger that learns his lesson and finds purpose in life but manages to do so without losing his style, class or vanity. The final scene of the film (Can we do spoilers here? Yes, we can.) where he admits to being Iron Man says SO much about who Tony Stark is as a person. His need for the attention and the glory in those 3 seconds of footage sums up a completely new era of superheroes that I’m anxious to see them explore the next time around. Please consider this my apology for the brash and cryptic use of the phrase “paint-by-numbers” in the review.

You betcha. The re-watchabilty on this thing is through the roof. The only reason not to buy it is that probably close to 80% of your friends already own it and if that itch to see it ever gets so bad you could probably borrow it from one of them for a couple of days. Don’t be like that though. Just help bump it up to 81% already…

This was a long time coming. An Iron Man comic and review has easily been the number one requested comic and review of the year from you guys. After last week’s Top 10 of 2008 comic where I talked about how certain movies have slipped through the cracks, I decided that it was high time I started focusing on some of these lost gems. I put it up to you guys which movie should be the focus and you overwhelmingly selected Iron Man. I was cool with that because, although it was bumped from my top ten of the year, it was definitely a movie I was excited to revisit.

With that – Round 1 is complete and I turn to you again to ask which of the remaining films you would like to see become the focus for next week? Go to this thread on the boards and have your say.

The past week has been a bit of a blur. In between getting everything ready for New York Comic Con next weekend (February 6,7,8) I thought it would be fun to fit in a root canal and gum surgery. Okay, I didn’t actually think it would be fun but it’s one of those things where if the man in the white coat tells you that you need to do it, you make some time for it. Thank goodness the pain has been minimal. Enough to slow me down a tiny bit but I’m managing to get out of bed and crawl my way toward the computer every morning.

The focus has really been getting the stuff for the con in order. I’ll have a post early next week explaining things like the printable T-shirt coupon or the pimp tour Twitter account (which are both pretty self explanatory if you click those links), as well as previews of the JLCM book, which is debuting at the show and arrived in on Monday! Until then, sit tight and if you’ve got plans to attend NYCC just keep repeating the numbers 2452 to yourself over and over again and make sure you seek out that booth as soon as the doors open.

Thanks for reading!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V