Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Viewed: 2:15pm 11/12/05
Starring: Naomi Watts, Adrien Brody, Jack Black, Andy Serkis, Jamie Bell
Directed by: Peter Jackson
If I just won an Oscar and was going to do my dream project, it would have been a remake of King Kong. Or Point Break. Either way Peter Jackson totally ripped me off, and in the process made an outlandishly entertaining masterpiece that is easily the most complete and entertaining work of his career.
Remake or no this is the definitive work that will put him on the map permanently as one of the greatest directors of his time. And this is the guy that made the freaking Lord of the Rings trilogy. It's his E.T. Or his Goodfellas. He's not messing around anymore.
As much as I loved the Rings films, they take a back seat to Kong because of complexity. The layers and dimensions of LotR are completely captivating, as well as necessary. To whittle them down would be disrespectful to the source, but the simplicity of Kong's story allows a more emotional connection.
Themes of beauty and love are universal and the heartbreak in the finale of this film will destroy you. It's powerful like no other movie this year. I wasn't this moved when they buried Wash.
The effects are near perfect. Ok, there are a few green screen shots where you can practically hear some AD yelling "And you're running? still running? AND THE T-REX IS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU! AND HE WANTS TO EAT YOU! GRAAAAA!" There's a "running of the bulls" sequence that is a green screen fiesta. You're constantly just pointing out the shots, or questioning how what they're doing is even possible.
The thing is, it's not like the background or creatures in these CGI-combined-with-actual-footage shots look bad. They're amazing. But the struggle to combine the two worlds has questionable moments. There are definitely some places where it's not quite right, but these scenes are so entertaining that it hardly even matters. I mean if you're not cringing as Jamie Bell teeters across a cliff with dinosaurs tumbling all around him, then ? this just in: you don't like action movies! Go watch Memories of a Geisha.
Regardless, there are definitely more moments where the combination of worlds works. This could possibly be the best looking movie (of this scale) ever. Seriously.
Admittedly it does work much better when actual footage is not used. When CGI creatures are fighting CGI creatures in digitally created background. Also know as cartoons! I'm just playing. In all seriousness though, some of these creature on creature action scenes are cool beyond description. And brutal to no end! I don't think Kong could have done any more damage to that T-rex unless he had actually man raped him right there on screen.
Everyone question the choice of Jack Black as the capturer of Kong, but it worked out perfectly. Because he's a showman! This is what he does! His character lies and persuades, and charms his way to get every little thing he wants, eventually coming full circle as he "gets it" at the end. That is Jack Black. The excitable performer that will do anything to entertain, and even though it may look otherwise he always has a grasp on what's working.
But his acting is superb. You feel him dangerously treading the line, ready to fall over into "crazy Jack black land" at any second. But he keeps it together pushing where needed just enough, and pulling back when it's appropriate. Good going Jack!
Naomi Watts is a gem. Remember when she was just Nicole Kidman's friend, or the cute blonde from "the Mullholland movie"? She's really spent the last 5 years making a presence, to the point where I don't want to know a Hollywood without her.
She's brilliant and beautiful. It's easy to see why Kong fell so hard. So perfect on screen, which is just heightened because you know, she's acting to a giant green ball. She has lots of emotional scenes in this movie and she's especially strong on the top of the Empire State building. I think her only lines in that scene were "No" and "IIIEEEEEE", but she made it work.
My favorite scene of hers is in her escape from Kong. As she gets to safety and looks on the faces of the men she thought helped to save her, and realizes they could care less about her. They want the beast. Great scene that shows human nature at it's worst.
I don't care what you're doing. Stop reading this, fake sick, get out of work, and go see King Kong. Even if you hate love stories it's so worth it for the battle in the jungle. I've never seen a monster movie done this well. If King Kong was your favorite movie and you always thought that ? if you ever won an Oscar you would remake King Kong. Don't bother. It's never going to get better. And keep your hands off Point Break. That one's mine.
10 out of 10! Yeah, a freakin' 10! I could nit pick some of those green screen shots, or poke fun at some plot elements that seemed shaky, (Did they hang glide on a bat? Since when do primates like shtick? The way he was man handling her, there's no way she would have two operational legs.) but the movie rocks! So much fun. The way they were able to combine such explosive action with genuine heart, and at least a dozen laugh-out-loud moments, is a thing a beauty.
Go see it.
DVD worthy?: I'm hesitant to buy these 3 hour epics on DVD because who has time to watch them? I have Fellowship of the Ring (my favorite of the LotR set) but I've only watched it through once. It's just too damn long. Still, it might be worth it for the extras. We'll have to see how it's set up.
If you liked this movie check out: King Kong
Go to the source, baby. Jackson has said how inspired he was by the original, how it was one of the reasons he wanted to make films. I would imagine his version would have a similar effect on the youngins of today.
Trailer Hitch: The Da Vinci Code
This trailer was weird. I've not read the book. I leaned over to Yeo and asked her if it was good and she had a pretty enthusiastic "Yes" waiting for me. Is it good that a trailer works well for people that know it's source, but has no effect on someone unfamiliar with it? Normally I'd say no, but when 95% of the world has read the damn book, I'd say the movie's gonna do fine.
It's Ron Howard directing which I like, and Tom Hanks playing detective, so that's enough to make me interested. But we'll see what that crazy Albino is all about?
There were a pant load of teasers with this movie. One I was excited to see was Miami Vice. Love love love Michael Mann, and I have similar feelings for stars Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx. The combination of the three should be interesting, but the teaser was only ok. I need more. MORE!
The incentive image is something that came to me while I was thinking about the comic and what different ways Kong could actually communicate with humans. Sign language immediately jumped to mind and for some reason when I think of sign language I think of a particular scene in a particular movie. I've replaced the people in that scene with Kong and myself, so if you vote you'll se us acting it out. Plus 10 cool points if you know what movie it's from. It is a little random.
That's it for Kong. Thanks for reading. Be sure to check out The Coffee Achievers (the strip I draw for Mitch Clem) which has been back strong for the past week. It's going in a cool direction. Check it out. If you're a CA fan and this is old news then get yourself a T-shirt which can be found in the Boxcar Store.
It's been a long and I'm ready for bed. Good night!
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V